Do you know the definition of choose?
It is to pick out or select (someone or something) as being the best or most appropriate of two or more alternatives.
Welcome to “Day In The Life Of Happily Single”. I am your Happily Single host, Brooke Bevan. Today’s topic is ‘Why We Choose to be Single’. I just want to point out here, that I am actually, truly talking about choice, rather than circumstance, because not everyone chooses to be single. Sometimes that is just what life has for them, but this episode is truly about choosing.
Something that really surprised me, when I started doing research for this episode, was the sheer lack of data and information available. There are a few known authors, who are really good about putting out that information, but for the most part, there really is not a whole lot out there. I was able to find some statistics that, over the last 30 years, the population of single people is growing. The people who choose to stay single, rather than be in a relationship and with it being 2021, I really want to deep dive into the topic of choices that we get to make.
Everything that anybody does in life is a selfish choice, and there is nothing wrong with that.
One of the first things I want to touch upon is … is being single better than being in a relationship? That is, actually, kind of a tricky question, because if you are happy with your choice, it is not about being better. It is about being the right choice for you. Both have their drawbacks, both have their positives. So, we are not going to bash upon those people whose relationships are their choice.
I am also going to put out there, if you are in a relationship and you are truly not happy, then do yourself and your partner a favour by leaving that relationship. There is no reason for two people to be unhappy with their lives.
Do singles have fewer regrets than people in relationships? From the little information I was able to find, the answer I got was yes. When you are in a relationship, or if you have children, a lot of the time there is compromise. You do not always get to do what you want, be where you want, hang out with the people that you want, or make decisions in your life that are what you want. We are going to move past the relationship talk, and go into some of the choices that singles get to enjoy, get to make, and some of the thoughts behind that.
When we choose to be single, we have a lot more control over our individual lives, from our health to money, to where we live, to what jobs we take. Everything becomes a personal, selfish choice. What I really mean here is that everything that anybody does in life is a selfish choice, and there is nothing wrong with that. We either move away from pain, or move towards pleasure, and those decisions are always selfish, but that is not a bad thing. As a single person, you get to choose who comes and goes from your life. You get to choose your friendships, your work environments, and how you are treated. One of the most valuable things I have discovered, as a single person, is my choice in friendships, the people that I hang out with. When you are single, you do not have spousal support, so you sometimes need to build support systems in your friends. Are they going to be there for you? If you need a ride, are they going to be there for you? If you are ill, are they going to support you, and cheer you on when you have a career move or get a promotion? These are really important things to think about when you start building friendships, after you choose to stay single.
If you are constantly going to be hanging out with people who belittle you, dismiss you, ignore you or talk badly about you behind your back, this will affect your mindset going forward. Picking friends that support and help you level up is super important. I know there is some people out there that have friendships that go back to when they were in kindergarten, or even before, but if it is not a healthy relationship, it is okay to let go.
You need to surround yourself with people who will support and love you. This even goes for a family. I have been super fortunate to have a very supportive family, but not everybody has that. If you decide to stay single, and you are going to be abused for that choice, please do not leave yourself in that situation. It is okay to let go of family members who do not treat you well.
Speaking of being treated well, you get to choose how people treat you. That is something I learned 10 years ago. You show people how to treat you. If someone is belittling you, or embarrassing you, you have the power to choose to say something. “You do not get to treat me like that” and if they keep doing it, you get to choose to walk away. Everything, as a single person, is your decision, so it is all a choice.
Another fantastic thing about choosing to be single is choosing personal growth. This is actually something I have been working on and I am going to be bringing to my listeners. When you do not have to spend time in a relationship, or a romantic relationship, or with children on a daily basis, you have a lot of choice in how you spend your time. You can spend your time hanging out with friends. You can spend your time learning a new hobby, upgrading your skills, upgrading yourself as a human being. You get to choose to work on yourself versus choosing to give time to other people.
Another fun choice, when you are single, is you can choose to solo travel and go adventuring across the world by yourself, and see all those fantastic things that you would not get if you were, let’s say, taking care of a new baby, or you do not have a partner that likes to travel. As a single person, you get to do those solo travels. Even better, if you are a social butterfly and you love people, there are plenty of travel options for single people in group settings. It is not a dating travel thing, it is, we are interested in the same things. Let’s go make the most of it as a group. There are a lot of those options out there now. I have a travel agent coming on in a later episode, who has some really cool things that she talks about.
When you choose to be single, you get to choose your own happiness. What I mean by that is, I learned a long time ago, the only person who can make you happy in life is you. It is actually all a mindset. Happiness is all perspective. If you have a negative mind and everything is miserable all the time, that is a choice. You have a choice to change anything in your life that does not make you happy. Choosing that brings you into being able to enjoy your single life to its fullest. Everyone has a different viewpoint on what happiness is or even on what success is. As a single person, you get to choose these for yourself, and work towards those goals.
The last thing I really thought about was, when you choose to be single, there is usually no surprises. You are planning your own life, you know exactly the steps that you need to take, and things that you have to do. Something usually does not come out of left field, throwing your whole life into a topsy turvy. There are a few things like things happening at work, or something that happens in your immediate family, but for the most part, there are no surprises. You know exactly what you are going to get, and that is a very comforting thing. When you move forward, you have a plan and you get to choose everything within that plan.
I am going to end this episode with a quote that I read online, not too long ago … ‘Yeah, I am single, but you are going to have to be amazing to change that’ and for me, that is very true. I am very happy in my single life. I love everything that I do, how I see things and the future that is coming to me. For someone to come into my life to change that, you are going to have to be a pretty amazing person. I hope all you guys out there, who are listening, stop and think about your choices. They are yours to make, nobody else’s!
See you in the next episode.